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Two parents take their son on a vacation to a nude beach. A: He will be six months old next Wednesday. 38. Water you doing for Mother's Day? 1. A young man agreed to baby-sit one night so a single mother could have an evening out. Mom, I love you loads . I said, "'Because there's no wrapping paper? I forgot to mail it but I think she knows. "Wake up, son. If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs, dont come running to me! But that doesn't mean you can't try to knock it out of the park. The dad says, "A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family." One liner tags: doctor, family, marriage, Mother's Day, sarcastic. Son: "Give me two reasons why I should go to school." Just then a little head appeared over the banister and shouted, "I'm here, Mom, but he won't let me go home! She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs. We promise to always go above and beyond for our customers. I always wanted to be just like my mother. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years and on Mother's Day, you don't even tell me so much as 'Thank you.'" Johnny: No, maam, I dont have to. The only thing we'd change about this card is that mom is at least 20% lie detector. Every time Lucy saw a wine glass she would point and cry out Mummy, Mummy! Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day. Supermans just a superhero now and then. If you happen to be a mother, this is for your pure enjoyment. A: There's a clock on the stove. 42. Do you say prayers before eating? ", What did the mother rope say to her child?Dont be knotty.. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. Sorry I wrecked your vagina., 33. The son replied, "Maybe he has good parents then!". How do your kids know that youre cross with them? Mine taught me how to beat a cavity search and still feel like a lady., Related:Mom's Allison Janney and Anna Faris Talk Strong Women, Figure Skating and Friendship, Lorelai Gilmore (Lauren Graham), Gilmore Girls, If youre going to throw your life away, hed better have a motorcycle., Related:Happy Birthday, Lauren Graham! Knock, knock Who's there? "Mom, are bugs good to eat?" Violets are blue. Just remember, the most important part of the day is letting your mom know how thankful you are for her. Q: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Bugs A: "Where's Popcorn?" TV moms give the best advice! The son comes running up to his mom and says"Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" Carol Brady (Florence Henderson), The Brady Bunch, If you know what you did was wrong, thats more important than any punishment., Related:First Look: The Brady Bunch Cast Reunion Photo, Some mothers teach you how to cook. She said, "Why am I not surprised?" I know you certainly have something to say. Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers? But feel free to use these jokes still on Mother's Day morning at breakfast or the dinner table. Its my job to strong-arm people into seeing how amazing you are., Related:Wendi McLendon-Covey Talks The Goldbergs' 100th Episode, the Real Beverly and More, This is my system for paying bills. Ugh!" "Wait a minute," she said. I don't want to go." "I wouldn't bother," said father. 79.49 % / 458 votes. Whats the hardest thing your mother makes you swallow? "Son: Mum, Dad keeps making Dad jokes! A tear-jerker of a Mother's Day poem? 44. Water. Sleep late and take a selfie?, Related:9 Famous Actors That Voice Your Favorite Commercials. 59. A: No, he doesnt. ", "I don't have a tissue with me just use your sleeve. These jokes will make both your parents laugh and also, make your mother laugh at her young comedian. Being a mom is hard. A: You spend too much time on the web. ", 64. "Well, then," said George, "can his football come out to play? Boy: Hey mum can I have 100 dollars? ", "Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. Several minutes later he comes running back and says"Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!" The mother mouse shouts BARK! and the cat runs away. And what about the funny Mother's Day cards? "Why should I?" One day Joe's mother turned to Joe's father and said," It's such a nice day, I think I'll take Joe to the zoo." Though there's no need to choose! Her mother replied: "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." 25. "No seriously, what's wrong? Finally she said, "Do you really want to know? At 3 years "Mommy I love you. Come on now and get ready." Son: "Give me two reasons why I should go to school." Mom: "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young. Student: When my mother sees my report card! Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached? For when you take after your mom in all the ways. I don't think I'll be able to get my Mom what she really wants on Mother's Day - a doctor for a son-in-law. Q: What do you call a small mom? Mum answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made " Two days later the girl asked her Dad the same question. B: Does he drink whiskey? To Mum: Im hungry, Im tired, Im cold, Im hot, Can I have, Where are you? B: It's a girl. I didn't know that you were her father. Its bad for the world., Related:Connie Britton Talks Her New Series 9-1-1 and a Possible Return for the Nashville Finale, Clair Huxtable(Phylicia Rashad), The Cosby Show, We are very fortunate to have the children, Cliff. Our mom's should be able to laugh at mothers day jokes and not get hurt. Happy Mothers Day. How long do the symptoms of menopause usually last? The other man replies, Let me put it this way: menopause will be listed as the cause on your death certificate., 16. What was her other childs name? Chris: Why is a computer so smart? Q: What did mommy spider say to baby spider? If moms were flowers, I'd pick you. One child kept creeping down the stairs, but the young man kept sending him back to bed. ", 51. The food was terrific but the restaurant lacked atmosphere. One days vacation a year, thats all I get! queries the woman. Some funny things to write in your mother's day card include 'take a mom-ent' or 'entertainmoment' Here are some more funny puns for you to use. ", Mothers Day is the day when we show our moms how much we love them and appreciate them. Mum: I dont know dear, youd have to ask Grandma. If you like our cool collection of beautiful Mother's Day Jokes and want to send them to your friends, just. Pee Wee: "Look, Ma! One liner tags: Father's Day, money, Mother's Day, sarcastic. Mum: "Look in the Mirror, dear.". When shopping for .css-dv4kb7{-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;text-decoration-thickness:0.0625rem;text-decoration-color:brandColorSecondary;text-underline-offset:0.25rem;color:inherit;-webkit-transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;transition:all 0.3s ease-in-out;}.css-dv4kb7:hover{color:#683d85;text-decoration-color:border-link-body-hover;}Mother's Day gifts and picking out the perfect Mother's Day card, it can be a bit overwhelming to navigate the options. I have to it was getting embarrassing. "No," said the mother, "it's too cold." And to all moms, Happy Mother's Day! ", Son: "Mom, teacher was asking me today, if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school." All mothers have intuition. 13. 4. replied her Grandpa. The young man brusquely replied, "No." 10 Inspirational Quotes from the Gilmore Girls Star, The Simpsons Voice Actress Nancy Cartwright Made a Filmand It's Not What You'd Expect, Anthony Anderson Gets Real About Diabetes on ABC's, 5 Things You Didn't Know About Chadwick Boseman, Eva Longoria on New Twist on Overboard, Time's Up and the Book Deepak Chopra Sent Her, I Love Lucy and The Family Legacy of Nostalgic TV, 9 Famous Actors That Voice Your Favorite Commercials. Water who? So you think youre ready for Mothers Day. 18. After all, I'm the reason she drinks. 41. But she wont be expecting a bunch of hilarious Mothers Day jokes. Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them." 7. Nude Beach Mom :Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see? The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Mom: "Thats nice of her to take such an interest in you. I have cooked and cleaned and fed the kids for 15 years and on Mother's Day, you don't even tell me so much as 'Thank you. 49. 29. To get you started on your journey of finding just the right card, here are 27 funny cards for Mother's Day that will make any mom laugh.maybe even until she cries. A: catch up! This list has you covered with kid-friendly jokes, clever one-liners that any mom will love. My Mother's Day jokes. The confused girl returned to her mum and said, "Mum, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" You can quote us on it! Happy Mothers Day to someone who spoils me and then complains about how spoiled I am. Olivia Muenter is a freelance writer and former fashion and beauty editor who writes about fashion, beauty, lifestyle, relationships, travel, home decor, and more for Woman's Day and beyond. Sign up to receive exclusive content updates, and more. Son: "But why Mom? A: They never let anyone finish a sentence! 67. To me you are the opti-mum. After all, I'm the reason she drinks. Daughter: Mum, whats it like to have the greatest daughter in the world? A: Catch Up. "If they want him, let them come and get him! To help choose the perfect personalized gift and card, first consider your mom's personality. The greatest gift of all? B: Does he ever come home late? After dinner the mother inquired, "Now, baby, what did you want to ask me?" 60. We celebrate Mother's Day with these witty one-liners from some of our favorite TV moms. A: No, he doesnt. I don't think I'll be able to get my Mom what she really wants on Mother's Day a doctor for a son-in-law. 63. Now do you see why its important to learn a foreign language?, 69. You will always be your childs favourite toy. - Vicki Lansky, 31. 2023 Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Baby snake: I just bit my tongue! Nicol is a freelance Editorial Assistant at WomansDay.com and is a Manhattan-based journalist who specializes in health, wellness, beauty, fashion, business, and lifestyle. Well, I'll tell you. Finally, her husband asked what was wrong. Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young. A family was having dinner on Mother's Day but the mother was unusually quiet. Knock, knock! For weeks a six-year-old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. If you play Wordle a lot with your mom or mother figure, they'll really appreciate this card based on the popular game. B: I'm not. 59. 60. A: He will be six months old next Wednesday. This one's for all the sassy only children out there. Q: Why is a computer so smart? His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother." 57. 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. 1. I said, "Great, I'll have bacon, fries and two eggs.". It is never easy being a mother. A boy goes to a strip club. Fathers Day is just like Mothers Day, only you don't spend as much. Fathers Day is just like Mothers Day, only you don't spend as much. ", One early morning, a lady went in to wake up her son. the boy asks. Daughter: Mum, I need my personal space! Two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving. You have your card, your present, you made breakfast in bed but wheres your Mothers Day jokes? Larry. When she's not reading (or talking about reading on Bad on Paper, the bookish podcast she co-hosts), you can find Olivia working on her first novel, curating the perfect playlist, or shopping online. Folding a fitted sheet really is the hardest, but I guess mom can't give you all her wisdom. To get you started on your journey of finding just the right card, here are 27 funny cards for Mother's Day that will make any mom laughmaybe even until she cries. One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? ", "Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week. My Mums a good cook. Otherwise we would never know the joy of leaving them at home., Related:5 Things You Didn't Know About Chadwick Boseman, Gabrielle Solis(Eva Longoria), Desperate Housewives, Deal with other peoples kids? Hippo: I give up. "Let's not talk about such things at the dinner table, son," his mother replied. Well, now we're thinking about brownie mix. Westy: What? Robbie: Larrys mother had four children. I asked Mum what she wanted for Mothers Day. A: Cause it listens to its motherboard. 39. Who's there? ", "The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. A: Because his mother was a wafer so long! A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along when suddenly a cat attacks them. Because Mothers are priceless. The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. What did the kids say to their mother to wish her a happy mother . Son: "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!" Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat? he said. 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. "Carrots are good for your eyes," she says. After dinner the mother inquired, "Now, baby, what did you want to ask me?" "Oh, nothing," the boy said. If your gut instinct says that she loves to laugh, then it's always a safe option to go with the funnier Mother's Day cards. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his!". Bought my Mum a mug which says, Happy Mothers day from the Worlds Worst Son. he said. Why? Q: What book do moms like the most? The son replied, "Maybe he has good parents then!". At 9pm the doorbell rang, it was the next-door neighbor, Mrs. Brown, asking whether her son was there. Without you my life would be inmomplete. The mom says"the bigger they are, the dumber they are." A: It's time to go to sweep! Where you lead, I will follow." "Mom, I love being your avo-kiddo." "Whisking you an egg-cellent Mother's Day." "Mom, you're sew amazing." "When it comes to parental love and support, I really . A: I want my mummy. You can quote us on it! People who say they sleep like a baby dont have one., 32. What three words solves Dads every problem? Q: Did you hear the song about the hot mom? 53. Mother to son: "I'm warning you. 1: How does that help? Great mothers have radar. Mom No. My Mum's best dish is store bought chocolate cookies. For the mom who can't resist a solid pun (food-related or otherwise). A: Its pasture your bedtime Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young. You da mom! Carol Brady Her work has appeared in Bustle, Refinery 29, Glamour, Byrdie, Apartment Therapy, Philadelphia Magazine, and more. My mom says its her house but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? BOY: Yes, I saw dad! ", Finally she said, "Do you really want to know? To Dad: Wheres Mum? A: Tracy. TV moms give the best advice! Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals! When it comes to celebrating your mom or mother figure's special day, it really is true what they say: It's the thought that counts. She said, A bit of care and comfort So I put her in a nursing home. Is she more sentimental or serious? A: It goes "My milfshake brings all the boys to the yard." Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her. Laugh-out-loud funny Mother's Day cards are great, but there's something to be said for a card that can double as art. ", George knocked on the door of his friend's house. A little girl goes to the hospital with her mom to visit her grandpa. Mum: Son money doesn't grow on trees Boy: Where does money come from? Mothers with teenagers know why animals eat their young. Elephant:Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days? Q: What did the mother broom say to the baby broom? You use their full name. We have the perfect mother-daughter relationship. ", "Just leave all the lights on it makes the house look more cheery. Boss, Well we call it Mothers Day and technically you still have to work.. A: You spend too much time on the web. 66. Mom: It listens to its motherboard. Come on now and get ready." We may earn commission on some of the items you choose to buy. No hands!. 72. My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." The kid says, "I hope one day I can be a man just like mom! 2. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. You have to raise kids and a full-grown man! Don't forget Mother's Day. Australia's #1 online shopping destination for weird, wonderful & quirky gifts! 54. Mothers deserve it all. The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked: "Mumma, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?". You might be wondering, should you go for the heartfelt card? "Nothing," said the woman. We are Yellow Octopus! Whats the difference between Superman and Mothers? 24. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair. Elephant: Because their kids have to play inside! Do you mean I have to go back again tomorrow? "How do you know?" A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. So he goes back to play. She was just like my mother. Mum: The amazing ability to hear a sneeze through 3 closed doors in the middle of the night, three bedrooms away while Daddy snores next to you. A: It's time to go to sweep! Dad answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The mother replies, "Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?". Mum: You came out of my personal space. 6. A little girl asked her mum, "How did the human race appear?" 37. "There was a bug in your soup, but now it's gone." Mother: Why is there a strange baby in the crib? My mom likes to play this game called "Yell from four rooms away" and get upset when I can't hear her. Why do Mothers have to have two visits to the optometrist? Add your one liner to our site and see how good it is. 1. Son: Mum, stop making jokes youre not funny. Mum: I made you.. How old is he? Its nine months without wine. You were right, my mother liked her very much." His MOM gets angry Mum: 73. 27 Funny Mother's Day Cards to Make Mom Laugh, 52 Best Gifts for Every Type of Mother-in-Law. Did your mother like her?" Drink it cold. Q: What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? April 2, 2021. At 70 years " I would give up everything to have my mom here with me". A: Because his mom was in a jam! "Talk like a frog because mommy said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disney World! Because they also have eyes in the back of their head. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. A reminder to be thankful for the little things her beautiful children! Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. I saw Mummy asking Santa why he didnt put his dishes in the dishwasher. I bet Mothers Day gets really awkward and confusing on Game of Thrones.. What's my mother going to do? As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen. 58. I heard a man often ends up with a woman like his mom. If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says keep away from children| -Susan Savannah, 27. When deciding what to give the person who 1) brought you into this world, or 2) brought your children into this world, a hug, some flowers, a thoughtful . Ask your mother. Q: What did the momma say to the foal? Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: jcartier84, Chmorgan, Macarmona, johndeerekid, drzukhanent, 24bablem, lauren.bright. Q: Why don't mothers wear watches? Everything you do is so mom point. 14. What did the digital clock say to its mother? Look, Ma! asked the boy. Annie thing you can do, Mum can do better. Let mom know that just because you're out of the house, that doesn't mean you'll stop asking for things. Robbie: No. Bought my Mum a mug which says, "Happy Mother's day from the World's Worst Son". When it comes to parental love and support, I really hit the mother lode with you. The card is blank inside, but let's be honest the front says it all. Every item on this page was chosen by a Woman's Day editor. Annie Annie who? The mom says "No, you were born from broken rubber and I don't want you to go out the same way!". A: minimum. And yes, this list of cheese puns is, well, cheesy. 62. ", "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too. Several minutes later he comes running back and says"Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got ! Why is Daenarys Stormborn the patron saint of Mothers Day? if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Happy Mother's Day! 56. The daughter answers, "First day? Mom: It listens to its motherboard. 9. Forget you put it in the microwave. Search in the largest collection of one liners and puns. "As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "We decided to cook our own breakfast. 75 Outrageous Mothers Day Jokes That Will Have Your Mum Crying With Laughter, A mother said to her son, "Look at that kid over there; he's not misbehaving." Check out this hilarious collection of Mothers Day humor and jokes, you would not be able to resist your laughter !! Q: Why did the cookie cry? I'm her mother. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children. Mother's Day might make you think about flowers, cards, or a fancy schmancy meal. So he goes back to play. But give Mom what she really . Son: So, what's a Mum joke? she says excitedly, "as soon as my mom comes into the room, talk like a frog!" Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. You're my daughter, and I'm perfect! "Oh, I've done all the talking, and I'm so sorry. If it were easy, fathers would do it. -Anon, 26. Why is Mothers Day before Fathers Day? 48. Son: "Mom can I get twenty bucks" For Mother's Day, I got my mom a case of Bud Lite. Mommy snake: Yes, son. The bus driver says, "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. ", "Well, if Rahul's mamma says it's OK, that's good enough for me. 61. Jerry: I dunno. ", 11. 21. Mum: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see? The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.". 5% off your first order!! 4. Mother: Why did you say that, Junior? The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. They can open jars without my help. Ben: It was way past its threadtime! After dinner the mother inquired, "Now, baby, what did you want to ask me?" 45. You, of course. A mother said to her son, "Look at that kid over there; he's not misbehaving." The friend said, "Then what's the problem?" Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event. Ben: How come the mother needle got mad at the baby needle? Q: What are the three quickest ways of spreading a rumour (or gossip)? The 75 Best MotherS Day Jokes (Outrageous). "Motherhood: Because going to the bathroom in private is over-rated." "Mothers of teens understand why some animals eat their young." "The two amounts of pasta I'm best at cooking: 1. not enough 2. enough for 3,000 people." "It's spicy: universal Mom Code for 'I don't want to share.'. BOY: Yes, I saw dad! Justin who? Elephant:Because their kids have to play inside! '", "Why should I?" Today I'm working on dramatically clutching my throat when I'm told the price of anything. How fast can you glue macaroni into a bracelet? But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren. ", 10. "Well okay dear, but why?" This vintage-style card will make today's moms laugh out loud. Mums are superheroes all the time. When Nicol isn't writing, she loves spending time with family and friends, trying new workout classes, and traveling. A: The internet, Telephone, Tell your mom. The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked: "Mumma, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?". Are funnier than you. 34. And for another, you're the Principal! When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her mom and bursts into her Grandpa's room. ", "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve. You can even write them inside the card! A: I have the perfect son. The mom says"the bigger they are, the dumber they are." A: I want my mummy. I said, "Oh yea"..Just you wait." See? the mother mouse says to her baby. Three were named North, South and West. 22. Roses are red. Daughters, there is no better compliment for a mother to hear than that she looks like your sister. Two parents take their son on a vacation to a nude beach. She's my daughter. "Grandpa, Grandpa!!" Son: When is Mothers Day Dad? A: With her bear hands. If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs, don't come running to me!". With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. I love strong, powerful mothers. Annie thing you can do, Mum can do better. Mother to son: Im warning you. Hippo:I give up. See more ideas about mothers day puns, birthday cards, puns. Your Mum knows youll tell her those two lots of three words: Happy Mothers Day & I Love You. It's time to go to school!"

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